This article was written by Todd Dakin, he is one funny guy.
I’m not so audacious as to suppose that I could tell you how to better do your job.  I do however believe that I could tell you how to better not do your job.  You see, a lot of people think being lazy is easy.  Well, that’s because it is.  However, being lazy and simultaneously convincing others that you’re not is an art that few truly take the time to perfect.  Follow these guidelines and I assure you, you’ll be not doing your job better than ever.
First and foremost, it’s important to appear to be the hardest working person in your office.  I’ve found this is actually relatively easy to do without actually accomplishing anything.  The only way to get away with doing less is to act like you’re trying to do more.  First, make sure your desk is always covered with papers boasting big bold letters that say things like, “FAX” or “MEMORANDUM” or “CONFIDENTIAL РTIME SENSITIVE MATERIAL.” About every five minutes or so rustle the papers around like you’re looking through them frantically.  It’s good to always be muttering things to yourself under your breath too.  Now you need to seem stressed out, but you don’t want to be too dramatic… I like to save the real histrionics for a minor meltdown every three weeks or so.  I’ve tried the fortnight meltdown, but it makes you seem too unstable. 
Anyway, here’s how you pull it off: you hang up after a phone call and start complaining in broken sentences.  Be just loud enough so that the people around you can hear, but don’t be disruptive.  Say things like, “I don’t belie…uh…how could there…that’s it.” Then you walk to the water cooler, fill up a cup, take a deep breath, walk back to your desk, look at your computer, and say something to yourself like, “It’s all right.  (Here’s where you enter a cheesy motivational adage) no one can do everything, but everyone can do something.  Here’s the deal Todd (yeah, refer to yourself in the third person) you know what you’re going to do?  You’re going to saddle this horse back up and ride it all the way to success city.”
It’s also good to have motivational posters in your cubicle.  I prefer the kitten on the clothesline because it’s plenty cliché.  Plus, girls always think the kitten is cute which is a total plus.  Remember, always choose cliché over clever… clever people get fired.  Always try to be as machine-like as possible.
Now in regards to that whole, “dress for success” deal: wear what’s comfortable.  Trust me, the only people who can become successful based on the clothing they wear are models… and they can’t even pick out their own outfits.  Or speak for that matter.  Let me put this as politely as possible.  If we ever decide to make any advancements in our mannequin making technology, there are going to be a lot of beautiful people begging for change on street corners.
So what to do about work?  Heed the advice of architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe who said, “Less is more.” Nobody likes a showoff.
