Have you ever had a problem with squirrels in your trash can? There are several things that you can do to rid yourself of this imminent danger.
First of all, I think it is imperative that you warn your neighbors and community of the outbreak that has begun. I recommend running and yelling, “there are squirrels in the trash, squirrels in the trash!!” several times around your neighborhood. Next, you need to create a banner of at least 8 feet wide by 4 feet high saying, “THERE ARE SQUIRRELS IN MY TRASH – BEWARE.” Also, make sure all of your friends and family who come near your house are outfitted with the latest in squirrel proof clothing and masks.
It requires great leadership to face this type of problem. There will be people who laugh at you, ridicule you, and tell you that they are just sweet, cute, cuddly squirrels. DO NOT BE SWAYED BY THEM. You must stand strong.
Create a perimeter around your trash can or bin. If you have yellow barrier cop type tape, then use it. Do not try and save the infected trash can. Prepare a circle of dynamite charges and make sure that the circle is wide enough to go around the whole trash can. Run an extra long fuse off the dynamite and tie rope to the dynamite so that you can cast it like a lasso around the trash can. You must be quick before the squirrels realize what is happening and decide to jump ship… or can‚ or bin. Light your fuse and throw your lasso of dynamite around your trash bin‚ or can. Run like the dickens before you get rained on by trash and squirrel pieces.
Whew! You made it. Congratulate yourself. Now that you have cleared the squirrels from your trash can, you want to make sure not to let it happen again. First, you need to buy another trash can or bin. We recommend buying one that is certified to be squirrel proof and they are only available here at WhatToDoAbout.com. Second, make sure you have the four anti-squirrel-in-trash tools made available in the Deluxe De-Squirreler here at WhatToDoAbout.com:
1) The Female Squirrel Decoy (tricks males into following this lovely dame instead of going to your trash can or bin‚ increases your odds of non-contamination by 50%)
2) Squirrel Scarecrow (straw squirrel that scares the dumb ones and increases your odds of non-contamination by 50%)
3) The Squirrel Barrier Closing Lid Lip (self explanatory)
4) The De-squirreler springboard (springs squirrels as soon as they hit the top of your can, or bin)
I hope this article has been helpful‚ and that you will be able to sleep better at night knowing that your trash cans are safe.
