Well we have talked about a lot of things this year but none quite so delicate as this. Seeing your father-in-law stripped down to his tighty whities is like seeing an eclipse for the first time. There is a lot to take in, a little bit of darkness, and a whole lot of white. You know you should look away but you can’t, no matter how unhealthy it is for your eyes. Oh, this story has been waiting, lurking in the corners of meee mind for about 7 years now. So won’t you come with me on this literal journey to a place where no one should go, and every man fears, the underwear drawer! (dun-dun-dun)
I must note the fact that this actually happened to me. I must also note the fact that this happened even before I married my wife and I still went through with it. My girlfriend (at the time) and I were proceeding to go upstairs to say good-bye to the parents as we were headed out on a date. After not seeing anyone, we tried sliding out the front door, when, suddenly her dad met us. Now, I should stop here to say a few things. My father-in-law is a great guy, but unlike the Mexicans and “most” women, he is a hairy man! That said, a great guy. I like to consider myself blessed to know him and to think that there are a lot of dudes out there that dread talking to their wives’ dads… I am not one of those dudes.
So we where headed out the door and I was reaching for my keys in my pocket and then “hey!” as he said it walking around the corner with an open robe. My first thought when I saw no shirt was “my God he is naked”. Thankfully no, but I am sure my expression did not change. I froze. Of course he wanted a hug, as he was a nice guy, but he knew when to make the right impression at the right time. Well, my hands were still in my pockets and then it happened the stiff hug. Now I say stiff because I did not hug back, but tried to not touch the hair, and the “little man” if you now what I mean. Although my hands, gripping my keys as if they where life itself, where in my pocket, they were so close to the “area”. After the hug, while I was still figuring out where to put my eyes, he said “Hi son” to which I replied… “hello”. Then he said, “You are probably shocked that I am in my underwear?” I said, “no… we are practically… um… family” He laughed as I was still trying to figure out where to put my eyes. I asked if we were ready to go.  He said good-bye and then told me to have her back by nine… I agreed rather quickly still dazed and confused. Then as we backed down the driveway, we saw her dad wave to us as he searched for gold in his pants. I then realized… this was all planned out. Foiled again.
I know this was a long time ago. A lot has changed since then and it’s only in the last few years that my father-in-law decided to switch to boxers… still in public. I know how nice it is to be comfortable and occasionally find myself walking around in my underwear and yes I will admit maybe naked… but only to the bedroom to put some clothes on. Although, I understand what his intentions were, I did not need to see his um… “intentions”.
So, how have I coped with this for 7 years? Well, it has not been easy, and well, I think… there is no way out!! Once you have crossed that line there is no going back. My only advice is to enter a room with caution and if your girlfriend’s mom is not home, because we all know that our wives will tell us to put some pants on. Please, for the sake of mankind, yell “are you decent?” before you enter into any room.
Something I just thought of, I would never tell my wife to put some pants on… interesting.
