*This article is was written by www.XXXchurch.com
I don‚Äôt know if I can do this. But what else am I going to do right now? What if someone knocks on my door? It hasn‚Äôt happened yet why would it now? What if this time I get caught? Who cares if I do? I‚Äôll deny it. They won‚Äôt be able to tell it was me. My brother uses this computer too. I‚Äôll blame him. But then he‚Äôd know. It‚Äôs not like he doesn‚Äôt look at porn either. Why am I always so afraid of getting caught? I know it‚Äôs wrong but I can‚Äôt stop. It doesn‚Äôt matter. This time will be the last time. I swear. I said that last time, but this time is it‚Ä¶ Why do I always feel so guilty after? I shouldn‚Äôt have done it and then I did it any ways. Now I feel like everyone knows. It‚Äôs like everyone sees through me. I hate this feeling. I‚Äôm never going to do it again. That was the last time I looked at porn. I swear.
That scene was almost a way of life for me growing up. Porn was a common theme in my primetime entertainment. I always fought with myself to be done with porn when I wanted to but addictions don‚Äôt work like that. I always got more out of it then I realized. The idea of getting caught gave me the sense of excitement that I couldn‚Äôt do without. The thoughts that kept my mind full of pictures and video I wouldn‚Äôt share with my family around the dinner table began to haunt me. It was not what I expected when I started with it. You never know what you‚Äôre getting into.
The stats prove that my story is not something new or unique. The average age someone first sees porn is 11 years old because of the Internet. With 90 percent of kids between 8 and 16 having viewed porn online the chances of us being alone in this deal is slim to none. I wonder if any of us ever know what we‚Äôre getting into. If people knew that porn victimizes people I don‚Äôt think they‚Äôd want anything to do with it. If you could see that when you started looking at porn it meant you were lying to your friends and keeping things from your family, you probably wouldn‚Äôt do it. But the problem is that porn is all about us. It‚Äôs a selfish act. It often leaves you without any friends and without any type of close relationship let alone an intimate sexual relationship. Sometimes people even believe that they are the only one looking at porn. That‚Äôs just because no one wants to talk about it.
You know how sometimes you feel alone on something; well porn isn‚Äôt one of those things. It‚Äôs super serious, but it‚Äôs not too serous to deal with. The biggest reason why people don‚Äôt ever get help with porn is because they feel they‚Äôre alone on it and won‚Äôt be able to have someone who can relate. There are 40 million adults who regularly visit porn sites. That‚Äôs not a minority. You‚Äôre not alone on this one. And it‚Äôs too important to ignore. You have to talk about it if you‚Äôre going to change in your life.
I remember being the kid who couldn‚Äôt talk about things or make observations on anything because I was always distracted by the images and sexual association going on in my head. It was super awkward. It‚Äôs not ok to think about girls in a way that treats them like meat and I realized that quick. For girls it‚Äôs not ok to think for one second that the stuff you look at is safe. It messes with your view of sex, of what a normal relationship looks like between a guy and a girl. It makes you expect things that don‚Äôt normally happen. These are the kinds of issues people don‚Äôt take a shot at and deal with. It‚Äôs hard to realize that it takes talking to solve this problem but it‚Äôs harder to realize that looking at porn doesn‚Äôt just affect you.
Porn goes into our minds and then is recalled and thought about anytime we look for the ‚Äúperfect woman‚Äù or the ‚Äúhottest guy‚Äù. That makes everyone you look at have to match up to the standards of the images in your mind, which isn‚Äôt fair. It affects the lives of the people around you. Just like being into porn involves other people, getting out of it does too. If you don‚Äôt want to look at porn any more it‚Äôs going to take more then a guilty determination. It‚Äôs going to take a supportive relationship that is centered on honesty. For the same reasons I didn‚Äôt want people to know, I was telling these guys I grew up with so I didn‚Äôt have to deal with the fear of getting caught and guilt anymore.
I answer emails and get a lot of them who say I don‚Äôt know how to stop. My first response is, ‚Äúdo you have someone who can hold you accountable?‚Äù So I‚Äôm going to ask you. Do you have someone who will hold you accountable? If yes, schedule coffee, tea whatever you need to sit down and talk about it honestly and see how you can challenge each other to be pure. If no, find someone. Look around you, someone about your age or older who is trusted, won‚Äôt gossip and can challenge you to be pure and hold you to the things you say you‚Äôre going to do. It‚Äôs always interesting the excuses people come up with to avoid accountability. Usually it‚Äôs just that they don‚Äôt want to talk about it, but it‚Äôs impossible to stop looking at porn without accountability. You can‚Äôt fight it on your own; you‚Äôll break all your own rules if you don‚Äôt have someone asking you about them.
I promise you, it won‚Äôt be easy. I guarantee that. Talking about such a hidden subject is awkward but if both people are open it‚Äôs a lot easier. There is nothing hard about talking but it‚Äôs talking about porn that makes people nervous. For all the harshness of the first couple of talks and meetings where you get used to honesty being so awkward, it pays off when you don‚Äôt need to talk about screwing up anymore. To be able to see that you can look at the people around you and not imagine them without clothes on, it‚Äôs huge. To be free of secrecy and hidden nights it changes the way you trust people. It gives you a new life. The kind of life people dream of, the kind of life we were meant to live.
*this article was featured on September 29, 2007