Oh the joy and pleasure that comes at the expense of others. I do believe that is why God gave us friends, to humiliate them at opportune times… ok maybe not. I must say however that it brings much joy to me. I will often have a laugh in the middle of the day as I reminisce of times when I got the best of these friends. I also share the laughs with my friends when they pull a prank on me too. Maybe not as much laughter as them, but laughter nonetheless.
If you are going to partake in these games there are some ground rules you should be aware of. They are very important and if you ignore them the pranks will get personal or painful. These two things are not fun and usually lead to someone’s mother being called, or worse, the cops. So listen up.
First- you will want to remember that the most important rule is to never touch a dude’s car. This is off limits unless you are cruising for a bruising. If this is the case then proceed with caution. If not, remember only the car is off limits so your cup of ice to the crotch while your buddy is driving is still very funny.
Second- never ever mess with a guys woman. This includes their mother, don’t ask… it is complicated and I didn’t know that the rabbit could bite and clearly she didn’t know her alcohol limits. Although, if you have an inside person like a girlfriend assisting you in your prank this is a great advantage to you.
Third- remember your prank will bring consequences so plan accordingly. Cover your bases and make sure you are out of harms way when your guard is down. OR… never let your guard down. Sometimes you look silly when you are all fidgety, but stay on your game.
Speaking of game, if you are going to bring it, bring it hard and make sure there is some shock value. This will give you some run time or at least some laugh time before you get yours. With this said you are ready to begin and begin you shall. I have a lot of experience in this area so I will share some of my favorite pranks with you. Just make sure you reference this article. I can’t have you stealing my thunder.
One prank I used to do with an ex-employee back when I was cutting grass for a living is fun and never gets old. This prank is a great starter for all you beginners out there who don’t want to get the crap knocked out of you.
Take a minute and close your eyes and picture two sweaty guys eating their lunch in the front seat of a Ford F-150 on a hot summer day after mowing an apartment complex. There is not a lot of room in this truck and we both have our lunches on our laps and we are eating over the center armrest which is pretty big. This armrest is where the act takes place. I have drawn an imaginary line on the armrest to illustrate that I am the boss and what I say goes even at lunch. This line as it were, is right down the center, which is fair I think until the peon thinks he can put his half full Gatorade bottle on the line. Now granted this line is invisible but I know where it is and I keep my eye on it at all times. So I see that the bottle is on the line and I make sure that the boy makes eye contact with me. Then I look down and he understands what’s going on. I then say “son is that bottle across the line?” he says “no sir”. Before he can let the period at the end of his sentence rest, the bottle is in the field next to us. Have no fear it is sealed but still in the middle of a freshly cut lawn. This brings much laughter from me and then the other guy in the back that is no stranger to this joke. Then my face straightens and I continue to eat my lunch. This is when the boy realizes that I am not getting out of the truck to retrieve his beverage and his shoulders lower as he gets out of the truck and proceeds to wipe off the grass clippings from his bottle. Then he returns to the truck to find that just before his door latch is pulled I hit the auto lock button. More laughter this time and I cannot stop. I laugh all the way to the next job. This is where I give the prankee an attaboy by letting him enjoy the spoils of the riding mower seat as a thank you for being a good sport.
This joke is also great with keys… just ask your friend to see his cool key chain with a straight face as to not give it away. Then just toss the keys anywhere you like. I love this trick it’s especially fun in Home Depot where you get the added distance and embarrassment of a home improvement chain.
Moving on now… there is another prank that makes me laugh till I cry. This one will hurt a little so time it just right.
Take another trip with me back in time as I remember when my friends and I where walking away from a ballpark after a baseball game. We were headed down a busy street in the downtown area and we were walking in twos. One friend and I are in front and the victim and the other friend are in the back or following us to our parking space. This is when I spot some newspaper machines, you know the ones with the apartment guide in them. They are kind of like a newspaper stands except they don’t take a coins because they are free. I see about 6 in one row and realize this will be the perfect opportunity to take action. Now keep in mind that the street is busy and there is not a lot room to move. So we are walking briskly down the sidewalk and I walk by these boxes first, as I approach the last one I pull the door all the way down and as I let go the victim runs right into the door. This did elicit some humorous anger from him so make sure that you use caution when you plan your escape. Also take note that the plastic doors are best don’t use glass this could backfire and you could feel really bad.
Next we shall talk about fun with water. The next prank takes perfect timing and you will need to plan well and keep a straight face the whole time. First, you will want to set your friend up by inviting him over to help you move something heavy like a table or even better, a heavy block. This is fun first because he will want to out muscle you especially if there are ladies present, so let him. While he has the heavy item take a drink of your water and as he approaches take your water and aim for the wedding tackle, trouser snake, twig and berries, or if you can find it… his penis. Next throw the water on him realizing that the item he is carrying is to heavy to drop so he can’t move and has to take it like a man while you and the ladies laugh. Keep in mind that you don’t need water at all, you can use anything. Another fun thing is to find a sturdy stick or broom handle and when he walks by take it to the fingers… this is a great time.
Remember the better friend lets his poor victim get the best of him sometimes, or not at all. This will keep you looking out for each other any other time. So choose wisely, make your move, own it and don’t do it half way, commit. This will maximize the fun, had by… well, pretty much just you. Great pranks take planning so next time you put Vaseline on his front door handle leave no evidence and make sure you can watch from your house. When you take the labels off of his canned foods make sure he doesn’t have a key to your house or when you decide to stand on your roof with a garden hose ready to put out his fire, that you have an alternate way off the roof.
So take heed cause these friendly words will keep the laughs coming and ensure you keep yourself alive as well. So remember: have fun and always watch your back, and your junk, because nothing is funnier than trauma to the groin.
If you enjoyed this article feel free to buy me a drink.
*this article was featured on August 18. 2007
