Aaaah. It’s such a beautiful day out. The sun is shining over the water and you are cruising on a boat with 50 of your closest friends soakin it up. You are jumping in the water, grillin food, and hootin and hollerin. While the birds are singing and your bum is bronzing… a stealthy, subtle process is at work… you are being cooked! Slowly, like a frog in water that is on its way to the boiling point… you are being roasted.
Now, if you were privileged enough to be of half Mexican and half Italian descent, then you would not only be me, but also not sunburnt. Sure we have to still be careful with our sun exposure too… especially if we haven’t been in the sun for a long while and are cracker jack white like you.
The key is working up to the level of sun exposure. You have to ease into it. It’s kind of like roasting a marshmallow. Sure some people like to flame their ‘mallows… but they are not very attractive. On the other hand a nice golden bronzed ‘mallow takes time and patience. Just like a slow roasted Mallon.
So you have to start with 15-30 minutes in the sun and then work your way up to the hours of glorious fun in the sun that you are going to have on your upcoming vacation. Even if you are pasty white you can develop your skin safely so that you will not have to wear sunscreen and absorb who knows what into your bloodstream like some sort of toxic nicotine patch that gives you a hit of your favorite chemical while you writhe in pain from its lethal hit and then are all strung out from the after effects. But I wouldn’t know anything about that.
Ahem, hum… where was I. Oh yes, not getting sunburnt. Sure I guess you could put sunscreen on. Eh. Or you could wear clothes, maybe, perhaps. Or you could slowly build up your sun tolerance (as I have already mentioned). Or you could use natural oils like coconut, olive, avocado, or sesame oils which offer around 20-30 percent protection and they are great for cooking your skin…. then you will look (and smell) good enough to eat!
When I was a kid in Sunday school we used to sing a song “Jesus loves the little children of the world” The song is very true… but I would always wonder what red people looked like cause I had never seen any. Well after my day at the lake I can now say I know what they look like. “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.”
When done correctly you can work out a nice golden tan. A golden, bronze, olivey, tan. Gold would be the color of my bum if it were allowed exposure to the sun. If the sun saw my bum it would question its purpose. Now that’s gold!
