Oh the joy of procreation. A new baby in your house, the pitter patter of little feet eating all of your food, sucking down all your milk and not to mention your money. Actually, kids remind me of a school bully, except with kids you get beat up at night while you are trying to sleep and they take your money the moment they get out of bed. Not to mention that your beautiful bride is now a referee for this non-stop game of life. By the time you get to spend any time with her, she is either tired and already asleep, or she is talking baby talk to you while wiping the drool off of your chin. She forgets what make-up is and she is not sure of the last time that she got a bath. Although I must say… it is kind of nice when she cuts up my food as well as the kids.
Kids can be great though… don’t get me wrong. I love mine even when they are robbing me of my bed and peeing in the tub. They are a gift, a gift that you don’t expect like the battery-powered toothbrush your grandma gave you last year for Christmas or the flat tire when you are on your way to a super bowl party.
I am not here to discourage you from having kids, but I want to give you the real story versus the fairytale. For instance, I like to read but every time I sit down to do so my son is always asking me “dad lets go outside” or “dad can I have some cheerios” or “dad I have to pee” and that’s my cue… I have to make a mad dash to get the boy to the toilet (nearest tree) before he wets himself, then I end up getting him his cheerios and watching him play outside. I don’t want to be a bad parent, I just want to get some things done of my own. The kids of course are more important… so we play. He can throw a ball better than me but he still runs like a girl, all in good time I guess.
Two days later when I am vacuuming the same cheerios out of the couch, I find my book under a cushion all smashed up and it seems to have pictures in it now. They are colored quite badly while some pages are missing altogether. This is when I have to take a minute to breathe and not get angry…yeah right, I am going to kill that kid as soon as I get my hands on him. Mommy soon finds me and reminds me that he probably did it because it was on the couch and not put away like it should be and “you can’t expect him to know that was not to be colored on, besides you didn’t put it away”. That’s when it all comes back to me, I remember the other day when I was reading and my son had to pee. I took him and ended up playing frisbee till it was time for bed. She was right again… although I never told her. Mothers are great at that and my wife is no exception.
It‚Äôs no coincidence that while I was writing this very article that my son wanted to sit by me and play on his computer. It was then that he saw my water and wanted a drink. Now, I don‚Äôt drink water out of a normal glass‚Ķ mine is a Viking mug that I got at a thrift store a year ago. So I say to my son ‚Äúyes you can drink from daddy‚Äôs glass‚Äù (or jug depending on what side of the world you are on). He has done this many times before so I was not too worried. He successfully took a drink and that‚Äôs when it happened. He put it back on the table and it tips over right into my computer. This is another situation when you need to exercise control. My first reaction was kill kill, kill… instead I quickly grabbed the computer and flipped it upside down to keep the water from running inside. I told my son to go and get me a towel, but he was already gone, he likes to run and hide when he sees daddy get mad. Why he does this I don‚Äôt know‚Ķbut it‚Äôs not because I have on more than one occasion been very mad and yelled a lot. So no towel. When I found him he had the towel in his hand and was crying like a baby. I got the towel and wiped down the computer and everything seems fine now.
I can’t help but think that I could of avoided the whole situation by not sitting there when he said he wanted water. If I would have got up and gotten him the water in his sippy cup he would have drank it just the same and I would have lower blood pressure right now.
So lets see if I can sift this all out for you. To be a good parent you have to at least try. Don’t be lazy or uncaring. There is an exchange of respect between children and parents. I can admit I am a little lazy sometimes when it comes to my kids, but this I will work on. If you don’t think you are lazy and your kids do not respect you, then you are lazy and that’s their way of telling you.
I would like to think that my kids would be better people by default than I am… that can’t happen unless I give them all of me so they will have something to exceed. I know it sounds kind of stupid, but I am living it, and you did search for the article. Unless you are reading it by chance, in that case consider it as advice.
So have some kids and don‚Äôt be afraid of the curve balls that may come your way. Your kids will have quite an adventure in growing up and they need you to get through it‚Ķ and you need to chill out. So to all you married folk… happy humping! Enjoy everything from conception to graduation, you‚Äôll be a better person for it. As for my wife and I, we are going to love each other whenever we get a chance. I will make time for her and that will give her the energy to keep going with the kids. Maybe in the end she will love me too, even though I make bigger messes and she gets wet when I wet the bed too.
I have to go my son is peeing in the yard again (like father, like son).
*this article was featured on August 20, 2007
