Eating ice cream with a plastic spoon is like trying to kill a bear with a fishhook. It can be done, but it can be awfully messy… and you could die doing it. It will take much skill and it is in your best interest to read along so you will not be a victim. I have battled this battle for many moons and I hope to fight for many to come.
It all starts when you get that craving for something cool and soothing on your palate. This craving could happen anywhere and anytime so you will want to be on your guard at all times. First, we will talk for a minute about the dangers involved with this craving. You will want to prepare yourself mentally as this will happen while you are in line waiting to purchase your treat. You then take into account that the very treat you are excited about eating has taken many victims in the past. With this in mind, we will go on the offense, even though the casualty rate is high, you still stand a pretty good chance of winning this battle.
We are ready to take control of this freezer foe. Don’t let it catch you with your guard down. If this happens you will be taken and it won’t be pretty. You are armed with your plastic spoon, which is more like a cannon at this point, but don’t be fooled by the creamy nature of the beast. You remove the first line of defense… the lid. Yes, it seems harmless, but not so much, this lid can be just as deadly. In fact, I can remember when a friend of mine ripped off his lid and that was it. It fell face first onto his lap and just like that he was out of the game. You can be wiser than he; you will need to use extreme caution in this procedure. Remove the lid and place it somewhere where it cannot come back and attack from the rear.
You are ready for the first bite, and I don’t think I can express enough about using caution. You will come up on the first line of defense from the foe of the freezer. Here is where we separate the sheep from the goats. Let me be frank with you, we have lost a lot of good soldiers in this first drive toward the adversary of ice and cream. Your spoon will hit the hardened defense of the sweet goodness of this devil of a dessert… but fear not, you will have victory if you stay vigilant.
Now that you have gone to the frontlines and have been denied hopefully you are not injured. You have noticed that the first bite will be a hard one to get. Grab your spoon lower to the bottom, but not too close as this is how they get you. It starts with sticky fingers and then hands and before you know it you have been hit and you have become just another statistic. Do not be dismayed, you will taste victory, or strawberry chip depending on your point of view. Be diligent and do not be over confident for this will¬†truly¬†lead to death. I know because I lost my first wife to the creamy creature. She was caught with her guard down and now she is in a better place. I miss her… she was a good woman, but just too weak, she let her lust for the lavish mixture of cream and fruit be her downfall. Don‚Äôt worry about me though, I am now stronger for it and use what I have learned to help others.
Now you can make a difference in your battle. Take each bite with caution and be careful not to get greedy. Most battles are lost that way. Proceed with caution and enjoy your frozen foe and make sure you win this battle and live to taste another day.
