This article was written by our friend Adam Tanbouz
What to do about death metal‚Ķis this even a question? I suppose it is now, because I’m writing this short essay, however, it‚Äôs a question that I’d rather leave answerless. Why? I dunno, maybe it’s cuz it‚Äôs a dumb question, maybe its because it’s not relevant to anything at all, maybe it’s because this question is so far outside the realm of logic that it simply can not be answered. Since the dawn of time many artists have made the claim that logic and art are like oil and water, however thanks to science we now know that its more like shampoo and conditioner. In a world where absolute truth is often difficult to obtain, one things for sure: death metal is pretty cool sometimes.
Paragraph one, accomplished.
¬†¬†¬†¬† Now its often easy when talking about a certain genre of music, to assume the position of an elitist music snob. I like to call this the grandfather syndrome, where one claims that everything genuine in the particular scene is dead, and that the glory days are long gone. Only die hard veterans can appreciate the true meaning of their particular type of music genre‚Ķthis is especially true within the death metal scene, however I don‚Äôt want to do that here. I’m not here to debate whether or not Kerry King (guitar player for Slayer) knows how to even play the guitar or if Manowar was awesome or ‚Äúgay‚Äù for wearing loincloths and dressing like cavemen from outerspace. One could lament forever about the virtues of Pete Sandoval (drummer for Morbid Angel). I’m not here to take part in that (but for real that dude was sick)‚Ķerroneous. So the question remains‚Ķwhat is my purpose? What am I trying to accomplish writing all this? Let’s explore shall we? Take a walk with me into the future, the future that is paragraph 3: the final paragraph. ¬†
Paragraph 2 complete.
                                                    (guitar solo)
 
¬†¬†¬† I’m glad youve decided to join me, before I get any further, let me restate the thesis so we can‚Ķ.
                                                 (2nd guitar solo)
 
¬†¬† …alright well that was bound to happen, anyway what to do about death metal? Well I’m afraid like many of the universes mysteries this question cannot be answered definitely, certainly if you enjoy death metal, you could listen to it, however death metal has served countless other purposes throughout history. In the gulf war of the 90s, the US military blasted death metal through large PA systems to root enemy snipers out of hiding‚Ķcheeky, America. The 90s was also a time that saw death metal on the big screen, who can forget the memorable scene in Ace Ventura when Jim Carrey wanders into a nightclub only to find none other than death metal icons Cannibal Corpse thrashing away some hesh-ass windmills onstage, totally brutal. In summary, death metal is basically a bunch of hot angry middle aged dudes playing as hard and fast and loud as they possibly can all in the name of Satan or something, and I feel like we can all agree that that‚Äôs what America is all about… or something.¬† What to do about death metal? Suck out the mids and turn it up.
*this article was featured on September 20, 2007
