What To Do About GETTING YOUR KIDS TO EAT VEGETABLES
How quickly we forget what it was like to be sitting at a table staring at broccoli or brussels sprouts, crying and telling our parents that we didn’t want them, or that we did not like them. I remember doing that with my brussels sprouts till they were so cold that they made me gag, but I had to sit there till I ate them. Why? Because there were starving kids in Africa! I think I was only in the 6th grade when this happened to me, but it is burned into my memory like a cattle brand on the ass of some prime A beef!
Something I never thought of as a kid, is that, maybe I just didn’t like vegetables and was more of a meat eater. Or, maybe I am a carb kid like my oldest son. He takes after his mother with his overwhelming need to have pasta, noodles or toast. As where my youngest loves meat and vegetables, this is how I know he is not mine. But that is another blog on another site somewhere…
What To Do About DETAILING YOUR CAR
We talk about cars a lot here at the what to do about headquarters, because we like fast cars and faster digestion! I know you were thinking I was going to say women, but alas, you are wrong… again.
Cars are better than women because they don’t talk back, and when you give them gas they don’t slap you! I mean, who’s ever complained about their car and their woman in the same sentence… unless it’s in a country song. I sometimes feel like I could detail my car in half the time that my wife could get herself ready. I mean come on, really? The beauty of a good clean finish on your car, you know that? When it gleams in your eye almost winking at you. That. That my friends is when you know you found something special, something that can only belong between a man and his car.
Now that you have found this lovely piece of machinery you must get it or keep it clean depending on the condition of the vehicle upon purchase. I have comprised a list of instructions for the detailing of your new chariot:
What To Do About A NEW CAR
Well, I assume you know enough about me to know that I had a car and then it broke down…? No! Well I suppose you have some reading to do. Done? Good.
My car hunt is over!! I found the car of my dreams! No, really! I have been after this car since 2001. My friend Tim and I used to sit around and talk about having one. After all these years I finally found one, or found one cheap enough, whichever works. I purchased my car this last week and it has been amazing, the whole process was a blessing in itself. It is everything that I thought it would be and so much more. I told my wife it was like seeing a naked woman (her) for the first time, you keep looking again and again to make sure you are seeing what you think you are seeing. She laughed and said that I was crazy, if she only knew…
I started driving my car on my daily rounds about the city, training and bringing pain to select persons. This seemed new and quite exciting as does everything that I do in my new car. One thing that felt really new was spinning donuts in it, this felt new because I have never had a car that would spin a donut on anything other than snow. It was a scene straight out of Motor Trend magazine and it, my friend, was glorious. There is nothing like the smell of fresh burnt rubber after a fresh burnout, it’s so good I am thinking about bottling it as a new scent for men!
What To Do About PLAYING WORDS WITH FRIENDS (scrabble)
It’ll make you smarter!
I think I could stop this article right there, but alas, you would all be disappointed that you missed my humor. So I will indulge you in my humor, dry and sometimes misplaced, but humor nonetheless.
There is this game floating around that some of us (you know who you are) are enjoying on a daily basis. If you are not familiar with this game, it’s just like scrabble, only electronic and cooler because it’s on my iphone. This game isn’t a big deal unless you like to spell or in my case, are learning how to spell. So when people say I am addicted I smack them in their face and say NO!
Ok. Not really, but I am not addicted. People that are addicted to things forsake their families, food, and all hygiene. I, on the other hand, consider this game to be bettering my education! Can one be addicted to his education…? Well, I suppose, but if it happens you don’t hear about it very often.
Since I have been playing words with friends I have learned the i comes before e except after c. This newfound knowledge, plus beating someone in a game, can be quite liberating. Liberating from all those things that your mother-in-law said about you… “he’ll never succeed”, “you married a loser”, and “you can’t even spell success“. I’ll show her, I will win several games of words with friends, I will write an article about it, and then after it has been edited by Tim she will see…
What To Do About SNOW IN THE SOUTH
I am writing this article for two reasons: 1) the other guys didn’t want it, 2) I feel obligated, like a messenger from the north sent to share the wisdom of the weather with the south.
I feel like I should have a cape and a scroll with wise proverbs and instructions from the good people of the north… hmm… maybe a nice velvet robe too… I don’t know, maybe not. Or, should I have a club (blunt object) for each piece of advice I share? One that says, “plow your streets, then apply salt”, number 2 would say, “don’t sled on the street, especially when there are brick mailboxes around you”, 3 would say, “never use a shovel to clear snow off your lexus, or any other car for that matter”.
I just want to provide some basic tricks of the trade, from the good people that brought you deep dish pizza, sky line chili, and car manufacturing. How to survive the snow would be what I would call it… NO, Wait! Surviving snow for dummies! is even better.
We recently received about 5-6 inches of snow, depending on who you ask. This snow, or Armageddon as it’s known here, came on us after two failed attempts at getting the weather prediction right in the first place. Once they had finally figured out if the snow was coming (2 hours before the first flake) ALL the schools were closed and most businesses decide to close early. As if this weren’t enough, the impending snow came and fell as finally forecasted, the rest of the city “clocked out” as it were.
What To Do About BUYING A CAR ON CRAIGSLIST
I recently found myself carless and shopping like there was no tomorrow. I had set a goal to make enough cash to buy my wife a car after the first of the year. To my surprise, I found myself looking for a car after the mechanic told me that my car would look good at the buttom of a lake… A boat anchor!! I was bummed, I love my 14 year old Mercedes Benz. The list of repairs was exstensive and expensive so I took their advice and drove it into the lake.
So now I need a car, instead of buying my wife some wheels, we have to find me a car. I jumped right onto the trusted online shopping mall I like to call craigslist. There’s only one problem, this mall looks more like a flea market, but with convicts from other nationalities.
The nationals want you to send them money and they will ship you a car! Ship me a car!? Who does that!? Not this guy, I am not going to send you a check to help you out for something I have never seen or driven. Shhhyeahh! Right!!
These scammers used to do this with bank accounts and then moved up to telling you that you have an inheritance coming from some dude you don’t know. Now they want to ship cars to us for our inspection and pay them before they ship these “cars”. Craziness!
What makes this even funnier is that the website has at the top of the page “anything involving car shipping is a scam”. Not ‘maybe a scam’ or ‘could be a scam’ but it is a scam!
Do people fall for this?
What To Do About KILLING TIME
This thing called time is a dangerous thing to track and kill, but if you can do it, you may be able to catch up on some sleep. Killing time is something that you need practice at. Start by reading the back of the toilet cleaner bottle, then move on to reading a magazine, then, before you know it, you will be killing time on the Internet and maybe even on facebook.
You must not submit to boredom, no no! Keep your head on straight and pay attention or you will lose an eye. Take your time when killing time or time will pick you up by your shirt collar, straddle your limp body and then beat you about the head and neck.